I'm Sorry But I Can't Do This
by feris16
Summary: The dreaded day is here, and Brooke is finally putting her feelings first. It's been years since she wrote him a letter, but just needs to let it all out, but she knows she can't say it while looking into those baby blue eyes.
1. Chapter 1

Brooke looked back at her house for the last time, her bags already on the cab waiting for her outside. This house held so many memories, some bad, like her attack, or finding out about the wedding. But most of them good, all her time with Angie, the moments she shared here with Jamie, bringing Sam here…having Lucas around her. She shook her head and turned off the lights, stepping out and locking the door behind her, she had no idea when she'll be back. She knew she would come back, Tree Hill was her home, and her family was here, her real family (Haley, Nathan, Jamie, Millie, Mouth); but right now she needed to get far away, before she shattered into pieces beyond repair.

As she was waiting on the airport she send a text to the only person who knew she was leaving, Millie, the girl was like a guardian angel, always there for her. Brooke knew what she had asked for her was a lot, but Millie could see how this was tearing Brooke inside, so she agree to do this for her. After telling Millie she was about to go and confirming everything was set for tomorrow, she turned off her phone and boarded her plain.

—-The next day (The wedding day) —-

It was 9 am when Haley James- Scott knocked on the door of Lucas and Peyton's house, ready to help her friend get ready for her big day, today Peyton Sawyer would become Peyton Scott. The blonde opened the door and pulled Haley inside, nervous energy exuding through every pore of her. Haley look around, "_Where's Brooke?",_ she thought the brunette would be the first to arrive. Peyton turned to looked at her, "_She hasn't arrived, I thought you knew where she was". _Haley shook her head no, but took charge of things. She eased Peyton telling her Brooke was probably at the store giving the final touches to her dress before coming over, she send the blonde to take a shower while she fixed her breakfast, texting Brooke and asking where she was while Peyton was on the shower.

At Naley's house, the groom wake up and stretched on the guest room bed, wanting to follow the tradition, he had spent the night at his brother house so he wouldn't see the bride until the ceremony. Lucas then got up, brushed her teeth and walked down to the kitchen. Jamie was sitting at the table, while his brother was cooking something. _"Hey man!. How are you doing on your last hours as a free man?", _Nathan asked jokingly, and Jamie looked up at his uncle and watched him carefully. "_I'm good, I'm not nervous or anything like that_", the broody blonde answered, lying to his teeth, truth was for the last couple of days he had been wondering if this was really a good idea. Quickly reassuring himself he loved Peyton and wanted her to be is wife, but for some reason he had this weird feeling on his stomach, and had catch himself worrying about a certain brunette.

Lucas sat down next to his nephew and ruffled his hair as Nathan placed 3 plates of scramble eggs and bacon in front of each of them, sitting himself in front of the two blondes. The youngest Scott kept glancing between his dad and his uncle, finally after a few minutes he blurted out the question that he had been dying to ask for months, "_Uncle Luke, why are you gonna marry Peyton instead of Aunt Brooke?. She's so much cooler, and she's much prettier, and she loves you and you love her". _Jamie asked as if this was the most obvious thing in the world, how could none of the grownups see that?. He was still wondering why his uncle was marrying the wrong girl, when it was so clear to his 5 year old self to see what was right in front of them.

Both adults didn't thought it was obvious, both of them choking on their food as his question. Lucas had no idea what to say, he was not expecting this question at all and much less from Jamie. Nathan seeing his brother helpless face, stepped in, "_Buddy, why do you ask that?. Your mom and I told you people get marry because they love each other_". Jamie nodded at his dad, "_I know, but then why is Uncle Luke marrying Peyton. He loves Aunt Brooke". _Lucas caressed his nephew's hair, "_Look J-Luke, this really complicated, but people love in different ways. Yes I love your aunt Brooke, but just as a friend, I love Peyton more". _

For the first time Jamie looked at his uncle as if he was completely crazy, and shook his head vigorously, "_No, uncle Luke, that's not true!. Mommy is your best friend and you don't look at Aunt Brooke, like you look at mommy. You look at Aunt Brooke like my daddy looks at mom!, you even smile all goofy like on the movies when Aunt makes a pout of when she winks". _Lucas was at a loss of words, and so does Nathan. How could a five years old see those things that not even Lucas himself had noticed? As silence fell upon the kitchen, both grown men thought back to all the times Lucas and Brooke were together. None of them said anything, they knew voicing what they were thinking would had bigger consequences. When Jamie said those things, they could say it was a child's mind, but if any of them voiced that, in fact, everything Jamie said was right, then everything would be more real.

As the minutes ticked by, Jamie sighed in disappointment, stepping down of the chair, shaking his head slowly, "_I never want to grow up. Grownups are too complicated and are never happy", _and with that he ran up to his room, leaving two Scott men stunned into silence. When did the five year old, became wiser than them?.

—-

11 o'clock. Half an hour ago a person had showed up, with a bag and said Brooke Davis had hired them to come and get the bride ready. That had come as a complete surprise to both the girls that was not the plan. They were supposed to get Peyton ready or more like Brooke was, they had agreed between Haley and Brooke, they would do Peyton's hair, makeup and nails. And now there were two people in the room, one working on Peyton's manicure, while the other was doing her hair, but still no signs of the brunette.

Haley had tried calling her cellphone and house phone but she only got her voicemail on both. By now Haley was officially worried, and she knew Peyton was too, not wanting to make her more nervous she went outside to the porch and dialed her husband. She had explained to Nathan the situation and asked if he could go to Brooke's house and check on her. This was Peyton's wedding day and she was sure the only way Brooke would miss it is if she was seriously hurt, and that thought scared both of them to death. What if Brooke as really hurt?.

—-

Nathan was looking frantically for the car keys, Haley's call had really worried him, it was not like Brooke to just not show up to anything Peyton related. Brooke Davis was always there for her friends, even stepping over herself, so he was fearing something serious had happened to her. Lucas walked into the living room to see his brother looking for something and the look on his face made him curious, "_Nate?, what's up man?. What are you looking for?". _Nathan glanced up and quickly went back to the search, "_My keys, I need to go out real quick_", he didn't know if he should tell Lucas.

"_Nathan, what's going on?, You look worried, is something wrong with Hales?". _Nathan sighed, he had to tell him, "_No, Hales is fine. Look man, I'll tell you, but you have to promise you'll stay here okay?. I need you to stay with Jamie….It's Brooke. She hasn't shown up at your place and Haley had called her a hundred times and she's not picking up. We all know Brooke wouldn't miss this wedding, so we're worried"._ As Nathan was talking, Lucas just wasn't processing his words. Brooke wasn't with Peyton, that was not Brooke, she would never do that. A cold dread feeling crossed through Lucas body, he knew deep inside something was very wrong. _"I'm gonna head to her house and see if she's there, and then I'll go to the store". _Nathan had his keys and was on the way to the door. At the mention of the store, suddenly an image came to Lucas' mind. The image of a battered Brooke, with two black eyes, busted lip, and covered in cuts and bruises, the attack. He felt dizzy just thinking that Brooke could had been attacked again, he wanted to go and see for himself if she was okay, but by the time he snapped out of it, Nathan was gone and he was left to worry his mid out in this house.

Mere 15 minutes after Nathan left, the doorbell rang. Lucas got up and ran to the door, flying it open. He was not expecting to see Millie standing on the other side. She was casually dressed, but had a weird look on her face, she seemed anxious. Millie forced a smile towards the blonde man, "_Hi Lucas. Uhm…it's good that you're here-"_. She was cut off by a very worried Lucas, "_Millie! do you know were Brooke is? Have you talk to her?, is she okay?_", the desperation was clear in his voice.

Millie shifted uncomfortable, _"Brooke….she-she asked me to give you this"_, she said in a fast and shaky voice, reaching her hand out and giving him an envelope with his name on it. He recognize the handwriting, and looked at her with a frown of utter confusion. Millie saw he was about to ask something and she beat him to it, _"Listen Lucas, I can't tell you anything, so please don't ask me. Brooke is my best friend and she asked me not to tell. Just…just read the letter"_. She shoved the envelope in his hand and turned around and quickly got i her car and left.

Luke walked back into the house, his blue eyes glued to the letter. He was beyond confused before, but now, as he stared at the white paper in his hands, he was scared. He hadn't opened the envelope yet, but something inside of him was telling him this was not good news. He was brought back to the last time Brooke Davis had wrote him a letter, before he left after Keith's death. Back then Brooke's letters had helped him through the dark period of grieving away from Tree Hill, the girl in those letters and her love for him gave him hope, but now Lucas was scared that whatever was on this letter would forever change him. He sat on the couch and took a deep breath before opening the envelope and slowly taking out the white sheet of paper.

_Broody, _

_Wow, it's been years since I dare to call you that anywhere but in my mind, I'm sorry if it's weird that I address the letter to you like that. But I just needed to call you that one more time before you become somebody else' husband, my last time feeling you this close. That nickname was something that was just yours, just between us. You were my Broody and I was your cheery, boyfriend and pretty girl, remember?. There was never another boyfriend or another Broody for me…but I know I stopped being your pretty girl, now that's Peyton's title. I heard you call her that once. I guess I use it now because it's my last thread with a fantasy alternative universe where you're mine instead of hers. _

_By the time you read this letter I'll be long gone. I asked Millie to give you the letter this morning so that you didn't try to look for me, even when I know you wouldn't look for me on the day you're gonna marry the only girl you've ever loved. It's pathetic how much saying that still hurts me, maybe because once upon a time, I believe in a fairytale where the good guy actually loved me. But dreams are just that, dreams. And then reality come crashing in, and reality is that fairytales don't exist. Fantasies aren't real, in real life the good guys cheat and break your heart, and Prince Charming never fall in love with the town slut. _

_I've should had learned my lesson years ago…I thought I did. I thought I had moved on, but I was kidding myself. How could I moved on when I never stopped loving you?. Deep down I still kept that glimmer of hope that one day you'll open your eyes and see that love in my eyes, and finally return it. But that's never gonna happen, because there's not love you can return, you don't love me like that, and I think I've finally accepted that. In a few hours you'll marry the woman you truly love, the one you've loved all your life. As you said it in your book, you and her were always meant for each other, everything else…what we had, was just a denial of the truth, that you and and always will be in love with Peyton Sawyer…._

_I know now that what we had never meant much to you, but to me it meant everything. You were my everything Lucas. And I'll keep those memories for both of us. That night in New York, when your book was launched, and we pretended to be engaged for one night, that was the best night of my life. Even if it was just a lie, for a few hours I got to pretend I had you back, that you loved me and want me with you for the rest of your life. I wanted to stay that night with you, when you asked me to stay and kissed me, every fiber of my being was screaming at me to stay and make love with you, the reason I left was because I knew once morning came, you would turned and look at me, naked in your bed and realized you made a mistake. Knowing you, you would had apologize and feel bad, and I knew seeing the regret in your eyes, hearing you say you were sorry for something that for me would had been the greatest night, would crushed me. You know, that night when I came home, Victoria was hysterical, she ranted on about how wrong it would be for me to marry, how much I had to lose. and all I could think off was how I would had given anything for that ring to be meant for me for real, that I had lost it all when I let you go in high school. I told her you were the one boy I might had lost it all for. _

_After that night I had hope that maybe there was still something to save, that maybe this time Peyton would understand and we could have a chance. And then your book came out and I read it. I never knew words written on a paper could hurt so so much. But seeing how you could put our entire relationship in one chapter and then dismissed it as just a denial. You'll never know how much reading your book hurt me Lucas, with each page I died a little more. By the end of the book I realized, you never loved me, and I finally understood why it was so easy for you to cheat on me with Peyton…I was just a distraction until you could be with her. I was just stupid enough to really give you my heart. The day finished your book I placed it on my bedside table, with the page about your revelation marked, and I swore to myself that whenever I felt like I missed you, whenever I felt like crying from the ache on my heart where you used to be, I'll read it again and remember the pain. I promised myself never to let anyone else all the way in, never to let someone get as close as you got, because they could break what was left of my heart. _

_And it worked, until I came back to Tree Hill and saw you, about to marry someone else. And for some reason, as much as it hurt to see you marry another woman, I was happy just with see you happy. Unlike Peyton, I knew you never really loved me, so why fight your wedding?. Lindsay was a good person and made you happy, that was all that mattered to me. It hurt more to see you in pain after Lindsay left, than to see you with her, your pain and sadness had always hurt me more than my own. But then you were there for me and Angie, and again I was high school Brooke, I was once again, that stupid teenager that open up her heart and I made the mistake to allow myself to dream, dreamed with you and a family. _

_And when my dream turned into a nightmare, I was once again alone. The night of the attack, I screamed for help, and after he left, when he left me there beaten and bleeding….I screamed for you, Lucas! I called out for you, but you never came. You were too busy having a passionate rekindling of your relationship with Peyton in Vegas. Once you promised to rescue me, Luke, but that was one of the many promises you broke. It was very sad to be reminded once again, exactly what place I have in your life. I honestly don't know why it surprised me, I've always known I come way behind Peyton on your list. Ever since I came into your life, everytime I've needed you, you were too busy saving Peyton to be there for me. I don't think you ever realized how many times and how easy it was for you to leave me and ran to Peyton's side whenever she called. But everytime you did it was just one more confirmation that I just would never be good enough for you in comparison to Peyton. She always came first for you, no matter how many times you said you loved me, that I was everything to you, if Peyton called I became invisible. And I always wondered, what she had that I didn't, and now I know. The thing Peyton has that I never had, is your heart. _

_It took me years to finally, truly accept that I have no hope with you, that I never had a hope, just wishful thinking. But the fact that I finally face the truth and accepted my reality, doesn't mean it hurts any less. And for the first time since high school, I'm choosing myself. I choose to put my pain and my feeling before Peyton's, and that's why I had to leave. Knowing you lost is one thing, but having to witness you profess your undying love to her, watching you say I do and promise forever to her, would just be more than I could take. I'm sorry for doing this like this, for running in the night, but I couldn't say goodbye. What would I say?, I need to go because after all this years I'm still in love with the groom, Because it hurts more than words can say to watch him marry my so called best friend?. How pathetic would it be to admit that while making Peyton's I closed my eyes and pretend it was for me?. Back in high school I made the decision to put Peyton's feelings and her happiness before my own, and I broke up with you because she confessed to me on the rehearsal dinner for Naley that she was in love with you. At first I thought that we could still be together, even if she had feelings for you, but when you told me about the kiss, I knew I had to let you go, because she was the one you wanted too, and you prove me right. Still today, you keep proving me right. But now I'm choosing my heart and my pain over hers, and I can't submit myself to that slow death. _

_I wish you are happy with her, I really do. Because still today, your happiness is what makes me happy. I'm sorry I'm doing this like this, but I hope you know, I do wish you only the best. Be happy Lucas, finally be happy. _

_Love you, _

_Your Cheery. _

By the time Lucas finished reading the letter, the tears were falling freely down his face, he didn't even bother wiping them, because they weren't going to stop soon. Everything Brooke had wrote felt like a punch that left him breathless, reading her say how she realized he never loved her, how she didn't mean anything to him, her words tightened the vice grip around his heart. Reading this letter was like looking into Brooke's heart, seeing things as she saw them, and for the first time Lucas could grasp just how many times and how much he had hurt her. The sole fact that Brooke left believing he never loved her was driving him crazy. He scanned over the letter again, his eyes stopping at the part of the attack. Brooke hadn't opened to anyone about that day, he haven't forgiven himself for that, and he doubt he ever would. After coming home from his romantic elope trip to Vegas, and finding out Brooke was attacked, and especially after seeing her. Lucas was so mad at himself, he had promised Brooke he was there for her, he had promised she could count on him, and years ago he had promised to rescue her as she rescued him, and yet when she needed him the most he wasn't there. Knowing now that she called out for him, and he was miles away with Peyton was making him physically sick. Lucas closed his eyes as memories flooded his mind, images and memories of all the times he left Brooke to go rescue Peyton. He replayed in his head all the times he put Peyton's feelings and needs before Brooke's, and it was just now that he really saw the look on Brooke's eyes, and it broke his heart to see the hurt and pain, that sadness that she knew how to mask so well. He hated himself for never seeing it before, Lucas loved Brooke, he did, more than anything, but now he realized he never showed her that love.

Lucas couldn't breath, finding out how Brooke had felt for years, looking back and see so clearly all his mistakes staring back at him, and specially finally having the answers to questions he's been asking himself for years, and realizing he lost Brooke because of his own actions hurt more than he ever thought possible. He had lost Peyton for 2 years before, and he kept on living, now he had lost Brooke for merely half a day and just the thought of never seeing her again, was making it hard to breath. Now Jamie's words made sense, with all his innocence, Jamie saw past all the masks he and Brooke put up for everyone, even the ones they put on for themselves and saw their real feelings, he was just too stubborn to admit it. And now it was too late, she was gone….Brooke left, heartbroken, hurt and completely mistaken. She was out there somewhere, thinking Lucas didn't love her, while he was here, sobbing loudly because he never stopped loving her and he was too stupid to see it.

He didn't registered that his sobs had become louder, to the point that they brought a very concerned Jamie down from his room. The little boy saw his godfather a crying mess on the couch and ran to hugged him. "_Uncle Luke, why are you crying?", _ the boy asked in a sad, quiet voice and he wiped away his uncle's tears. Lucas that was holding on to the boy tightly, tried to compose himself, "_I'm just very sad, buddy". "Because you're getting married?", _he asked hesitantly and Lucas gave him a small smile. "_No Jimmy-jam, is about someone else". _Jamie looked at him for a few minutes, "_Are you sad because Aunt Brooke went away?". _This question shocked Lucas, his blue eyes widening in surprise, "_H-how do you know your aunt is gone, Jamie?". _The mini Lucas, tilted his head, frowning, _"Aunt Brooke told me yesterday when I spent the day with her_", he said as if it was the most normal thing.

"_Buddy, what did Aunt Brooke told you?", _Lucas knew Brooke was close with Jamie, but he never thought their relationship was so close that the only person to know about her plans of leaving would be the five year old. "_She said she was sorry, but that she had to go away for a while on a trip. I asked her if she was going to Disney and if I could go with her, but she said no. She said she was going far away and that she would love to take me, but she wasn't sure when she'll be back. She then began crying just like you, she hugged me tight and said that maybe it would take her a really long time to come back, but that she would call me every day and that later she would ask mom and dad to let me go and spend some holiday with her", _the boy's face fell and he pouted sadly, "_She was so sad, uncle Luke, and I hate to see her cry like that. She looked so little, so I just hugged her and kissed her. She then told me about how he friend Rachel would like me when I went to visit her". _And there it was, a hint, a way to find Brooke. He needed to find Rachel. He needed to find Brooke and tell her how wrong she was, and how he still love her as much as back in high school, and to ask for her forgiveness on his knees.

He then remembered a little detail, he was supposed to get marry in a few hours. Lucas stopped crying and paced the living room back and forth. He couldn't marry Peyton, that he was sure of, but how did he cancel the wedding just hours before it. Brooke had planned this in a way that even after her confession, he would marry Peyton, assuming he wouldn't call it off the same day. But Brooke didn't considered that Lucas still loved her and wanted her back. He grabbed his keys and put shoes on Jamie, before leaving Nate a note and walking out of the house, he needed to fix this wedding mess first.

—-

10 minutes after delivering that to Lucas, Millie stepped out of her car in front of the tiny house, this time the delivery came along a big white box of Clothes Over Bros, with a beautiful handmade Brooke Davis original wedding dress.

Haley answered the door quickly, surprise and then relief washed over her as she took in the girl in front of her, "Millie!, Oh thank god you came!. Do you have any news about Brooke?, do you know where she is?". Millie was again uncomfortable, but Brooke did told her she was able to tell Nathan and Haley she left and why. Millie looked at the shorter woman and sighed, "Where's Peyton?". Haley then informed her Peyton was on her bedroom getting makeup. Millie nodded and pulled Haley to the living room, leaving the big box on the couch and sitting with Haley, "Haley, Brooke is gone", she blurted out. Hale expression went from confusion to shock, "Gone?, what do you mean she's gone?, she would never miss Peyton's wedding!".

Millie shook her head softly and made a pained face, _"Haley, Peyton's wedding to Lucas is exactly why Brooke went away. A couple of days ago Brooke finally snapped, I don't know what happened, I just know a few nights ago I got a call from a neighbor saying there was someone at the store at 2 am. When I arrived I saw Brooke's car outside, and when I came in I found her curled up into a ball on the floor sobbing her heart out. She broke down, Haley, she finally broke down hard. I took her home and stayed with her, she finally told me that she couldn't do this anymore, pretending to be okay and happy about the wedding when she was actually crumbling down inside. That she couldn't be the maid of honor and watch Peyton marry the man she still loves. So after a day of crying, she decided she couldn't witness them getting marry, so she went away. And she's not sure when she's coming back"._

**AN: **So what do you think guys?. Would you be interested on a second part about the letter Brooke left to Peyton?. Let me know.


	2. Chapter 2

Well, this is the second and final part of this drabble. Sorry it took me so long, but my Brucas muse took a break. Enjoy

Warning: Peyton fans, this is slightly Anti-Peyton so, if you don't like that, don't read this chapter.

Disclaimer: I don't own OTH or any or the characters.

**I'm sorry I can't do this - Chapter 2**

Haley sat there shocked as Millie told her how Brooke had broken down and wasn't coming to the wedding, her mouth hanging open and she blinked a few times, trying to process all this new information, "_But-but she can't not come. She-she's the maid of honor!". _Millicent nodded, knowing this was hard to process, "_I know this is hard to process, Haley, but you have to understand Brooke too. Haley she still loves him...Brooke never told me much about them, I knew they had history because Marvin told me, but until that night I didn't knew what went down between them. Brooke open up and told me everything, he is the love of her life and she knows and finally came to terms that Lucas never loved her. But still watching him marry Peyton was slowly killing her, she needs to get away, go somewhere where she can heal and rebuild herself". _Haley listened to the brunette and was about to protest when Millie stopped her, "_No Haley, she can't do that here. Everywhere she goes in Tree Hill has some kind of memory about Lucas or Peyton, living here meant having to watch them be happy and in love and right now that's what she doesn't need". _

Just then Nathan came through the door, "_Hey, Hales I'm sorry. I went to her house and the store but Brooke's not there, I don't know where else to look for her, but you keep Peyton busy and I'll find her". _Millicent pressed her lips together and Haley shook her head softly, "_No you won't", _ seeing her husband's confused expression she continue talking, "_You won't find Brooke because she's gone. She's not coming to the wedding. She-she left Nathan". _And just as she said those words the reality of the situation dawned on Haley, one of her best friends was gone for god knows how long, and more important than that was that, her friend was broken and suffering and Haley wasn't there to help her through it. And that brought Haley to tears, she put her face in her hands and cried for Brooke. Millicent looked at a crying Haley and a confused Nathan and knew she had to explain, _"Why don't we go out, let's talk in the car. I don't want Peyton to hear us. Brooke explains everything to her in that letter_", she said pointing to the white envelope that was attached to the big white box that held Peyton's wedding dress. Nathan and Haley followed the brunette to her car, there Millie re told the story to Nathan while Haley cried, now all of Millie's word and their true weight registered in her mind and her heart went out to her Tiger.

After hearing Millicent re-tell the way she found Broke and what his friend was broken, he felt bad, ever since the attack Nathan had become closer to Brooke, she was so amazing with Jamie, his son loves her like she was an angel and she was. She was such an amazing woman, always there for her friends, and yet she had been through all of this alone, everyone was so wrapped up in cheering for the happy couple, that nobody stopped to remember that Brooke had loved his brother too.

Meanwhile inside the house the stylists were done with Peyton's makeup and hair and she went out of the room, anxiously looking for Haley, she was so nervous, the time for the ceremony was getting closer and her maid of honor had yet to show up, and most importantly she had her wedding dress. Peyton walked out into the living room, calling out for Haley, and just as she was about to go to the kitchen, she caught a glimpse of a box on the couch, she went over to it and saw the C/B logo written on it and a white envelope with her name on it in Brooke's handwriting. She opened the box first, knowing already what it was inside, but even knowing it was her dress, she gasped as she saw the beautiful dress inside, Brooke had really outdone herself with this, it was amazing. She took it out of the box and placed it over her body, smiling as she looked down at the dress. Peyton then took the dress and the box back to the room and carefully set the dress over the bed, then she grabbed the envelope and open it, she was expecting a congratulations card or something, but instead she found a letter. Confused, she opened it and began reading it.

**Dear P: **

**Oh god, this is probably the hardest letters I've ever had to write, but I have to do this, because I need to explain my actions. I'll start by saying, I love you P. Sawyer, and I've loved you like my sister since we were 9 years old. We've been through so much together, and I truly wish nothing but happiness to you, and I'm really sorry for this, but I won't be in your wedding, I...I just can't be there, P. You see, I love the little girl with the wild blonde curls that made me hold her for a month straight after her mom died, I love the girl that held me the first time I cried over a boy, the girl that laughed at me while I jump up and down in her bed after my first kiss, I love the girl that never believed what others said, the girl that always knew that I wasn't a slut, I was just a lonely girl desperate to feel loved and wanted. But that girl is long gone, Peyt. We lost the girls we were back in junior year, and with them we lost that amazing, one of a kind friendship we had, we lost that bond the first time you kissed the boy I loved after I just told you I was falling hard for him. **

**I've tried, Peyton, I truly did. This past 5 years I tried very hard to pretend that our friendship was still what it used to be, that we were still sisters, because Hoe's over Bro's, right?. But the truth is, Peyton, something between us broke years ago, something that can't never be fixed. I always said you were my best friend, my sister, but sisters don't hurt her sister like you hurt me. It took me a lot of time to finally accept the reality of what you did, for so long I refused to believe you could do that to me on purpose, but you did. You knew I loved Lucas more than anything in the world, you knew how much he meant to me, and not once, but twice you took that knowledge and use it to hurt me. First time, you sneak around behind my back with my boyfriend, you almost sleep with him and you didn't cared about me or how that would hurt me. The second time was worst tho, the second time you knew I was crazy in love with him, you knew I missed him and needed him and yet, you still told me to my face you were in love with him!. You've known me since I was 9, you knew better than anyone about my insecurities, and you played those to get me to do what you wanted!. You knew if you told me about your feelings for Lucas that I would get terrified about getting my heartbroken again, you used my words against me...Rachel told me many times how you were a manipulative bitch, and I always defended you, but she was right. You manipulated me, and you manipulated Lucas to make sure I stepped aside and that he didn't get me back!, you played the victim role that you do so well to get him. **

**I sacrificed my happiness for yours many times, Peyton, and not once did you acknowledge what I did and be a little grateful, even after you took Lucas in senior year, you were mean and cruel, when you knew I only left him because of what you said, you knew I still loved him. And you know what?, I still do. I NEVER stopped loving Lucas, I'm still in love with him, and I can't watch him marrying you. I don't hate you, Peyt, God knows I should after the way you had used me and stopped all over my heart without an ounce of remorse, but I can't hate you; maybe because sometimes I still remember that girl that years ago was all I have. But I can't keep pretending either, I can't keep putting up this strong facade, seeing you with Lucas kills me, and I'm just so tired of acting as if this didn't hurt. I'm tired of hiding my feelings so yours won't get hurt, and for once in my life since I know you, I'm putting my feelings before yours.**

**I won't do what you did to Lindsey, I don't have it in me to ruin your wedding, just because I love the groom. I'm not that selfish anymore. See, Peyt, that's the big gap between us, being with Lucas and getting to know people like Karen and Haley and Mouth, taught me so much, it made me want to be a better person, it made me care about them and see them as my family. But you...you just have this idea that the world revolves around you, you say people always leave, that you are always alone and in pain, but everyone loses people, everyone suffers Peyton, and yet everyone pick themselves up and move on. They don't throw themselves into depression and play victim and beg for people to save them. I have to give it to you, tho, you're so smart and so good at reading people; you know their weakness and you used that to your benefit. You know Lucas has this hero complex, and you love to play the victim, the brooder writer and the torture artist, a perfect match...but you forgot one detail in your fairy tale, P; the part where you ripped the heart of the only person that had been there for you through your worst moments, the person that gave up everything for you, and you didn't care about crushing me as long as you got what you wanted. **

**Funny, you always criticized and talked so hard about Victoria, how much she hurt me, how she never loved me, how she just used me and took advantage of me. But you did the same, Peyton, I always wanted my mom to be proud of me, just as I always wanted to make you happy, and you both used that to get what you wanted out of me. You are just as manipulative and cold hearted as Victoria, the only difference is, Victoria is always a bitch, she doesn't pretend to be nice and then stabbed you in the back. She will stabbed you right in the heart but face to face, you don't...you play innocent, make people trust you and love you and then you sneak behind them and stabbed them in the back and say you never meant to hurt them.**

**I love my P. Sawyer, the girl that knew me and love me for me. But that's not you anymore, you're Peyton Sawyer****soon to be Scott, the woman that stopped at nothing to get the man she wanted, no matter who got hurt in the way. If my P ever comes back, tell her I've missed her all this years, for you Peyton, I wish you good luck. Someone once told me, you can't build your happiness upon other people suffering, because it's a weak foundation and sooner or later it will crumble down. But for the friendship we once had, I wish you can build happiness upon my pain. **

**Love, **

**B. Davis.**

When Peyton finished reading the letter she was crying, but it wasn't tears of sadness, there wasn't remorse in them. They were tears of anger, of frustration, she was mad that Brooke had decided not to be there. She knew everyone was going to ask about Brooke, because everyone love the bubbly brunette, everyone was going to be missing her in _her wedding day!_, this was supposed to be Peyton's day and she felt like Brooke had purposely stole her thunder. Peyton was especially mad because she had the feeling that her groom would be the one that would resent Brooke's absence the most. She crumpled the letter into a ball and throw it to the trash, she was going to pretend she didn't read it. "_Brooke Davis had taken enough things from me, she will not take away my moment on MY wedding day_", she said through clenched teeth as she began to get ready.

Lucas placed Jamie into his seat and buckled him up, he then got in the car and started to drive, as fast as he could but always mindful that he had Jamie with him. He needed to get to his house and figure a way to stop the wedding, he knew this was going to kill Peyton, and he was sorry about that, he really didn't want to hurt her, but there was a part of him that was so mad at her and did wanted her to get a punishment for what she did. He had wandered for years what made Brooke break up with him senior year, what made her stop missing him?. And now he knew, she never stopped missing him, yes he was a crappy boyfriend, but still she loved him. But Brooke being his Brooke stepped aside because her best friend told her she was in love with him, and then he went and fucked it up, first by not telling her about the kiss when it happened, and then by falling into Peyton's game and ended up running to her arms. He was such an idiot!. Still, rage course through him and he remembered how he had gone to Peyton, desperate for answers about why Brooke dumped him, and she played dumb, she never told him what she said to her. If he had known then, everything would had made sense and he would had fought for his Pretty Girl.

"_That's Aunt Brooke song!_", Jamie said excited from the back seat, that snapped Lucas out of his thoughts, "_What?, what did you said, Jamie?_", Lucas asked confused, and Jamie just sighed, why were adults so dense. "_I said that is Aunt Brooke's song!_". He wasn't paying attention to the music that was playing until Jamie said that, Lucas quickly turned up the volume to listen to the song.

**_I'm so tired of being here, suppressed by all my childish fears_**

**_And if you have to leave, I wish that you would just leave_**

**_Your presence still lingers here and it won't leave me alone_**

**_These wounds won't seem to heal, this pain is just too real_**

**_There's just too much that time cannot erase_**

**_When you cried, I'd wipe away all of your tears_**

**_When you'd scream, I'd fight away all of your fears_**

**_And I held your hand through all of these years_**

**_But you still have all of me_**

As Lucas listened to My Immortal of Evanescence, a song he would had never thought to be something Brooke Davis would listen to, he felt baffled by just how much Brooke let her feelings show. How could no one noticed it before?, how was it that the girl that was always there for everyone had nobody there for her when she needed them. If he hadn't been so caught up on him, as always, he would had seen this glimpses of Brooke been hurt. "Hey, Jimmy-Jam, how do you know this is Aunt Brooke's song?", he asked the boy as he glanced at him through the rearview mirror, slowing down, Jamie just shrugged, "_She used to play it all the time, especially after Angie left and that mean man hurt her. She put that song a lot when she was drawing clothes in the store, and when I stayed at her home I heard it at night, it was very low, and you have to really listen to hear it, but Sam and I always heard that song. Sam said it was Aunt Brooke's sad song, that she played it when she was sad...but she played it all the time...So then, that means Aunt Brooke was sad a lot, right?. So whenever she listened to that song I just hugged her and gave her a kiss and told her I loved her. She's my favorite person in the world after mom and dad". _Lucas had to pull over on the side of the road, Jamie's words although said with the innocence of a 5 year old were baffling.

**_You used to captivate me by your resonating light_**

**_Now I'm bound by the life you left behind_**

**_Your face—it haunts my once pleasant dreams_**

**_Your voice—it chased away all the sanity in me_**

**_These wounds won't seem to heal_**

**_This pain is just too real_**

**_There's just too much that time cannot erase_**

How?, how was it that all the people that claimed to be Brooke's friends never noticed this?. How was it possible that his 5 year old nephew was the only one that saw how sad his godmother was? The saddest part was, that Jamie was Brooke's only support. She never leaned on him, never shared her pain with him, but he could see the sadness in her. Brooke was Jamie's favorite person beside his parents, not even Lucas ranked that high anymore; so when he saw the sadness in his usually happy godmother he did what he knew, he was there with her and hugged her and kissed her, and Brooke silently drew strength from the love Jamie gave her. As this realization hit him, Lucas couldn't help the tears that blurred his vision.

**_When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears_**

**_When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears_**

**_And I held your hand through all of these years_**

**_But you still have all of me_**

**_I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone_**

**_But though you're still with me_**

**_I've been alone all along._**

**_When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears_**

**_When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears_**

**_And I held your hand through all of these years_**

**_But you still have all of me..._**

He listened to the song and realized how well that song described the Brooke he saw in her letter. She had always been there for him, he was sure he wouldn't had made it after Keith's dead if it hadn't been for her, and he had failed her so much. Lucas thought he knew Brooke, and now he realized that he know her, but decided to buy the mask she showed everyone because it was easier. It was easier and less painful to believe she was okay, than to admit that she wasn't fine and do something to help her. Lucas wanted to beat himself up for being so damn selfish. The more he discovered about Brooke's pain, the more he knew he needed to find her, he needed to get her back and fix all his mistakes.

"_its okay, Uncle Luke, mommy says it's okay to cry when you're sad. I'm sad that Aunt Brooke is gonna be away for so long too, I also cried when she told me. But I promise I'll tell her you miss her too when she calls me. Maybe when I go to visit her I can tell her you want to come too". _Lucas turned around and grabbed his nephew's little hand and squeezed it softly, that little boy was wise beyond his years. "_Thank you, buddy. But I can't wait for your Aunt to call, I need to find her. You were right, Jimmy-Jam, I do love your aunt like your dad loves your mom. I was just too stupid to see it". _Jamie laughed at that and Lucas looked at him confused, "_Aunt Brooke said sometimes you were such a blonde, because you could be so dense. And when I asked what she meant she said that sometimes you were just so dumb for your own good"._ Lucas had to laugh because that was just such a Brooke Davis answer. _"If you had listened to me, you wouldn't be marrying Peyton, Uncle Luke. You would be marrying my Aunt Brooke_". The blonde brooder nodded, "_I know, and I promise if I find..no, WHEN I find your Aunt Brooke I will follow all your advice, buddy_". And with that he started the car back up, now more than ever he needed to cancel this wedding and go find his Pretty Girl, he couldn't lose her for good, no he couldn't deal with that.

After saying goodbye to Millie, and asked her to keep them posted when she knew about Brooke, because they needed to know she was okay, the couple got out of the car and stayed outside the house for a bit, trying to compose themselves. As much as Haley wished she could be there with Brooke, her thought drift to her other friend and soon to be sister-in-law, and knew she needed to step up. She was worried about Peyton's reaction to the news, she was sure the blonde will be devastated to learn her best friend was not going to be attending at her wedding, she was after all the maid of honor.

They went back inside but wanting to be there for Peyton, they weren't there for Brooke so the least they could do was be a support for their friends to handle this in their wedding day. And while Haley's mind was set on helping Peyton as much as she could, Nathan's mind was on his brother. He was worried about how Lucas was going to take the news, he was sure his older brother was going to suffer Brooke's absence more than anyone expects. His mind kept going back to this morning and his son's words, was Jamie right?, was his son trying to keep his uncle from doing a mistake?, most importantly, should he do something?. He knew both him and Lucas had gone down the past few months to all the times Brooke and Lucas were together, both realizing Jamie's words carried more true to what they let on. However, knowing Lucas still had feelings for Brooke didn't mean his older brother was anywhere near ready to handle them.

Even when he was the younger brother, Nathan was the mature one when it came to handling emotions, Lucas was a well-known mess in that department. So Nathan wasn't sure if he should act on this new developments. One thing was knowing Brooke meant more to Lucas than he cared to admit, but from that to actually stop the wedding...Peyton was a good friend, granted, she wasn't as close to him as Brooke was. But still, he didn't want to ruin her wedding for nothing. Besides, he cared a lot for Brooke, and he wasn't sure getting Lucas free for her was the best for Brooke, she had been hurt way too much by Lucas and his incapacity to make up his damn mind. Should he put Brooke through that again?.

When they came into the room, Peyton was so happy and giddy that the couple felt bad for having to deliver the news. However as Haley was too busy helping Peyton with the final touches, Nathan noticed something. Peyton's wedding dress was neatly on the bed. Nathan knew that dress came with a certain letter that explained in Brooke's own words what was happening, not only did Millie told them, he had seen the envelope with her handwriting himself. So, if Peyton had the dress that meant she got the letter, but if she had, if she already knew Brooke wasn't going to be at the wedding and her reasons, how could Peyton be so happy and giddy?

Something seemed odd, and while his wife didn't seemed to register this detail he did and was paying close attention. When the two women left to the bathroom so Haley could help Peyton into the dress, Nathan went into the room. He took the top of the box and saw the envelope wasn't attached to it, instead he found said envelope under one of the throw-pillows on the bed, but with no letter. He looked around and found the paper crumpled into a ball on the trash, "_So she read it...she knows about Brooke and she's that happy?". _He whispered to himself.

He open the paper and smoothed the wrinkles as much as possible, he knew he shouldn't read it, but he needed to know. So he went outside the side door and sat on the porch swing as he read what Brooke had wrote to Peyton. When he was done reading, Nathan didn't know who he was angrier at, Brooke for keeping all of this to herself for all this years and still be there for Peyton. Or at Peyton for do that to Brooke after all the things the brunette had done for her; she would be broke, homeless and jobless if it wasn't for Brooke. Red Bedroom Records came out of Brooke's pocket and her unbelievable loyalty to the blonde, she opened her house to her and let her live there rent free, and what does Peyton do?, she goes and hurts Brooke yet again. What Nathan was more shocked about was learning about all the things Peyton did to his brunette friend in high school, Brooke never told anyone that Peyton knew all along about her feelings for Lucas and still went after him. She kept that to herself out of love for her friend even when Peyton was never worthy of it, but that was just Brooke Davis for you.

The letter in his hand and the way he had found it, told Nathan that his soon to be sister-in-law, knows about Brooke been gone, knows about the pain she's going through and still doesn't care one bit. What's worse, she's acting as if Brooke been gone is nothing, she's happy she' gone!. And he wonders who is this person, and how nobody saw this side of Peyton before?. Brooke is right in her letter, the Peyton they used to now is not the one in that house getting ready to marry his brother; this is a Peyton Elizabeth Sawyer, Nathan doesn't like. But one thing is sure, now he knows what he has to do, he needs to listen to his 5 year old son more, because his older brother is marrying the wrong girl, and he can't let him do that. He needs to stop this wedding.

**Please R&R! I hope you all liked it! **


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